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pebble
Grommet 
Member #: 1318 Posts 13
Registered: 5-5-2005 Member Is Offline Mood:
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| posted on 3-9-2007 at 11:30 |
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Hilarious kite description on ebay
Folks, if you haven't seen this, and need a laugh, read this kite description on ebay, and also view the questions.
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Naish-AR5-11-5m-Kitesurfing-Kite-with-Character_W0QQitemZ260153649907QQihZ016QQcategoryZ117150QQssPageNameZW
DVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem
jon
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pebble
Grommet
Member #: 1318 Posts 13
Registered: 5-5-2005 Member Is Offline Mood:
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| posted on 3-9-2007 at 11:37 |
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Ok, I see the link is split over two lines.
Try clicking here -
hilarious_kite_description
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dunk
A Force-of-Nature *** 
Member #: 570 Posts 606
Registered: 2-3-2004 Member Is Offline Mood: Spaced out
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| posted on 3-9-2007 at 12:28 |
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Ha ha very funny Jon!
KITE / SAIL REPAIRS
http://www.jonnieeisler.com
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chase
Pro 
Member #: 2324 Posts 102
Registered: 24-8-2006 Member Is Offline Mood:
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| posted on 4-9-2007 at 16:54 |
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Fab and quite upsetting that I put an immaculate 16m advance on there and didnt get a sniff, maybe I should just destroy it and try
again
if its worth doing, its worth over doing.
Kitesurfing and activity breaks
http://www.coastriders.co.uk
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Dandine
A Force-of-Nature * 
Member #: 2742 Posts 231
Registered: 29-10-2006 Member Is Offline Mood: Work is for losers
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| posted on 5-9-2007 at 17:45 |
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Very funny. Do you think he would consider a PX with a bin bag. I'll ask the question.
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Jonny
A Force-of-Nature ** 
Member #: 394 Posts 308
Registered: 6-10-2003 Location: North West Member Is Offline Mood: waitin for the next blow!
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| posted on 5-9-2007 at 19:26 |
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Fair play to the guy who wrote it. F'n brilliant!
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chris
A Force-of-Nature ** 
Member #: 79 Posts 402
Registered: 28-11-2002 Member Is Offline Mood: i thought the winter/spring wa
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| posted on 5-9-2007 at 19:51 |
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You are bidding to buy a Naish AR5, 11.5 square metre kite plus bag.
This was the first kite I ever bought, shortly after doing my IKO Level 1 course. So as you can imagine, it's been crashed a bit.
Actually, when I say 'a bit', I actually mean 'a lot'. In fact this kite's been crashed more than that teenage girl's houseparty in
County Durham, that was advertised on MySpace. I even put it in a tree once.
I don't know exactly what year it was made (I suspect 2001-2002ish), but as they say, it's not the age that counts, it's the
mileage.
There are at least three major professional repairs on it - a one foot-square section in the main canopy has been replaced following a
tear, there's a patch near the main spar that resulted from God only knows what - aliens maybe - and a long section of the leading edge
has been replaced, where the stitching decided it wasn't hanging around to be crashed-on any more. Ever seen how big a leading edge
bladder gets when it's no longer constrained by Mylar? It's quite cool - kinda like a really big hernia.
As for small repairs, I gave up counting. And forget about 'professional' for these. When your kite's seen as much action as this one
has, you stop caring about how it looks, and start caring about the fifty quid it costs you every time you get it fixed professionally.
Put it this way - some of the repairs involve gaffer tape. It's not pretty, and I think it's blown my chances of ever switching to a
career in cosmetic surgery.
I even decided at one point, that to stop the hernia thing happening again, I'd preemptively reinforce the leading edge with sail tape,
so there are lots of strips of that along its length.
Oh, and as a nice finishing touch, the previous owner has written his name and address on the leading edge in black marker - then
scribbled it out before he sold the kite to me. Classy.
On the plus side (yes, there is one), it still flies (or it did last time I tried to fly it - it may have lost the will to live since
then). In fact, it doesn't fly too badly at all. A bit like one of those ancient Volvo 740 estates - old, rusty, and spewing clouds of
global warming substances out of the tailpipe, but still somehow managing to hold a steady 80mph on the motorway. Proof that magic, or
the power of positive thought, really does exist.
I don't know what Naish make their bladders from, but they should make flak jackets out of it. Despite the aforementioned hernia
incident, and the sort of treatment that has specific clauses against it in the Geneva Convention, none of them appear to have any
leaks.
It has a bag. Yes, a proper Naish bag - not a Tesco 'Bag for Life'. OK, it's from a different sized kite to the one being sold, but
it's still a proper Naish AR5 bag, with a drawstring that still... erm... draws.
It doesn't come with a bar (you'll need a standard four-line one), or lines, or a pump, or a returns policy, or any guarantee
whatsoever that it won't collapse in a big, hernia-infested heap the first time you fly it. It does, however, have a starting bid of a
fiver plus postage (sorry about the postage cost - I asked the nice old lady in the Post Office if I got any discount because it really
couldn't get any more damaged in transit than it already was, and she just stared blankly at me and asked what 'kitesearching' was). If
it doesn't work as a kite, you could try using it as a really big hammock, or take the bladders out and make life-sized balloon animals
out of them. The possibilities - as they say in the recycling commercials - are endless.
Happy bidding. If you win, I hope you have as much fun with it as I have. Or find a really entertaining way to destroy it and post a
video on YouTube.
Question & Answer Answered On
Q: are you willing to post for free if i win the kite, 31-Aug-07
A: Tell you what - if it goes for more than £500, as I would expect a masterpiece like this to do, then I'll personally deliver it
to you on a shiny silver platter (OK, it might be stainless steel). Otherwise postage is as stated in the listing.
Q: i don't want it -- but that's just spot on! i think i've one of those floating around too ....! 31-Aug-07
A: Keep it quiet! If people know there are *two* such masterpieces in existance, you'll devalue it! Mine's unique, dammit, UNIQUE I
tells ya!
Q: This sounds like the perfect kite for me. I have been looking for something that has got the Gaffer upgrade for ages, and to find
it on a kite with such pedigree as this one is a rare find indeed. It is a shame it is not in it's original bag but I would imagine
that is asking a little too much these days. I am sure the original markings could be restored onto the replaced bag for added
authenticity. I have a couple of questions, before I put a bid in I would like to know if you are being completely honest about the
exact condition of the kite and that there is nothing you might have left out, like maybe some dirty water marks or slight ware on the
tips, as this may affect my descision. Secondly, if I am lucky enough to win this auction and own a specimen of this marque, could I
possibly pick it up as I am not sure I would trust it to the postal service. (and my Mrs lives near Rayleigh) Thanks in Advance Paul
30-Aug-07
A: Dear Paul, I'm rather ashamed to say that the kite doesn't have as many water marks, or as much tip wear, as one might expect on a
kite of this vintage. Frankly, the discening buyer should expect something akin to a flying aquarium, with only a vague semblance of
tips at either end. I'm afraid that's not the case, and it only looks 'significantly battle-scarred', rather than 'Jade Goody'.
However, I can quickly remedy this situation with the aid of a garden hose and a belt sander, should the winning bidder request it. I
can also - at no extra cost - carry out similar modifications to the winning bidder, should he or she wish to look like Jade Goody.
Pick-up is no problem - drop me a mail to arrange this if you win the auction. And let me know about those mods.
this has to be saved. bloody brilliant
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On 27-Aug-07 at 09:06:26 BST, seller added the following information:
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